lifeatworkKicking off my return to SoCal with another “cultural” experience… Read all about it and join the conversation here: http://emazingepicedventures.wordpress.com/2011/08/02/yes-this-really-happens/
Thanks so much for this year’s edition of Subarashii (Japanese for “wonderful”) Summer! :) Keep the fun going all year long at: Epic Experiences!! (I’m honestly a little embarrassed at my alliteration in blog titles now… they seemed so clever at the time!!!)
— Dan Allender, at CSU 2011
— Dan Allender, at CSU 2011
Since interning with Epic the past two years, my cultural blinders have been yanked off. Almost exactly a year ago, I wrote an article for Inheritance Magazine (http://inheritancemag.com/issues/issue-7/) about Epic and what I’d understood and experienced about its mission and journey. Now, I sit in a dorm room in Fort Collins, CO pondering how the implications of what I stated in that article (duality, bi-culturalism, storytelling, cultural redemption) affect me more than ever before.
This afternoon, my flesh was tired. The enemy was pressuring me at those exact places I just mentioned. I felt tired of navigating between being Asian and American. I was tired of trying to have compassion on those who were trying to understand. I was tired of my story sounding close enough, but also being drastically different. I was tired of looking for the silver-lining of what’s “good” about being an ethnic minority. And I was tired of being pointed out as an Ethnic Minority staff or as an example or representative of the changing face of the US. I found myself wishing I could just smudge myself—like an illustrator would to a charcoal drawing—and just blend into whatever was going on around me/whatever group of people that I walked among.
And then… something changed. It’s much later (it’s… now 2:30AM… yikes), and I’m rather embarrassed that I gave in to the temptation to grumble and whine. What it really came down to: I don’t like who I am, and I reject God’s perfect plan! Awful, right?? God and I talked it out, and of course… He was patient with and forgiving of my whining and gracious in His reminder that I have no clue what He’s going to do, so I might as well stop trying to control, ask for hints, or not walk in faith.
Specifically, He reminded me of several things:
1. My lousy attitude is like a slap-in-the-face to the men and women who’ve advocated and represented ethnic minorities in an earlier time, where there was exceptional resistance and misunderstanding. I sat among some of those people at an ethnic minority staff picnic today. And the organizational progress to reach ethnic minorities in Cru is largely owed to their faith in God, courage, and excellent character and representation. It really was an honor to sit among them… and I definitely felt the shame of my dumb attitude.
2. Why we do this in the first place. A woman working with Nations (Cru’s ministry to Native Americans) came up on stage, her voice quivering with emotion. She felt the Holy Spirit move her to ask for prayer as there’s a stronghold of the spirit of shame within the Native American community. And it hit me again—I need you to hear this loud and clear and remind me when I give in like I did today (seriously, I need you to pray that I never, ever forget this)—she ministers to Native Americans, NOT because she’s Native American, but because God loves ALL people, and she loves God. I don’t try to reach Asian Americans because I’m Asian American, but because God loves all people and because I love God.
3. God doesn’t need me. I can call it quits whenever I want. Don’t misunderstand me here: I have no power in this situation. As soon as I’m unwilling, I’m useless to Him. God in His grace allows me to be a part of something enormously huge (how’s that for hyperbole?) that involves my faith, background, culture, family, education, face, zero-math-skills-ness… etc. BUT it has nothing to do with me. My faith, my background, my culture, etc. is completely about what God wants to do.
So, who am I to say: “UGH, God, I don’t like being this anymore! Change me! Make this easier!”? What if God honored that request?!!? He would strip me of all my worth and identity! He would not come to my rescue in these areas of my life! He would rip from my selfish hands the opportunity to be glorified through me! I would be nothing but a blur on a page… an essay that was intended to be poetry… a broken pencil…
Why would I choose that?
Friends, I hope that in the heat of the moments where we want to give in and say that our identity (even the right one—the one found in who God is) is too much for us to handle, that God in His infinite love and grace simply calls us to be with Him. Nothing else about you matters. And He’ll break strongholds, He’ll come to your rescue, and He’ll use you in magnificent ways… and all will see Him shine through you.
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Amidst a crazy week, I still feel blessed. God is doing great things… :)
This is a picture of our Bible Study Methods coaching group (coached by THE ONE AND ONLY Brian V.—3rd from left). I learned a lot from this group of individuals and was grateful for them commiserating my pain, anger, frustration, and confusion through Ephesians! :)
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The 2nd place Intramural Softball team… haha we had a lot of fun… even though we won’t be coming home with a cool, free t-shirt. See if you can find me… this is a tough one, I know!
A real post is in the works… but it may be awhile in coming. Please be in prayer as we start our MPD (Ministry Partner Development) training. I’m a little intimidated, but excited for what the Lord is going to do! Please pray for: alertness, diligence, and peace throughout this week!
Thank you!!
This summer, I’m in the good ol’ US of A for July 4th. Just a year ago, I was walking the narrow streets of Kyoto, Japan! I know it’s strange, but Independence Day is my FAVORITE holiday of the year.
Yep, it trumps Christmas (you get gifts!), Easter (I’m a terrible Christian), and President’s Day (4 day weekend?? hello!?)!
On July 4th, I celebrate (sometimes I keep this to myself) several things:
1. America declaring itself a nation (way to practice adulthood, America)
2. Summertime (watermelon, parks, swimming, sunshine…)
3. Explosives (fireworks, you weirdos!)
4. The fact that red, white, and blue complement my pasty skin color
5. The fact that I am eligible to celebrate this holiday
#5 is bolded because that’s what I’m MOST appreciative of this July 4th. This morning, God reminded me of how special it is that I get to celebrate this. Let me clarify—here’s my face: 
From this picture, you’ll notice TWO things:
1. It’s very strange looking.
2. I’m Asian.
(for those of you who are surprised at those two realizations… I’m sorry…)
Many Americans around the country celebrate people who’ve fought for our independence (literally) both in the 1700’s and all the way until now. I share in that celebrating, but I specifically celebrate the people who directly allow me to celebrate this day: my grandparents and parents.
None of them served in American armed forces. None of them have done anything of “national” significance except when it comes to our family. God reminded me this morning of the dreams, practicality, and bravery my grandparents and parents had in coming to the US decades ago.
In school, I learned about the pilgrims and pioneers settling in the US. And about the rag-tag bunch that somehow formed a nation. They are American heroes that we celebrate on this very day.
But the heroes I’m also celebrating today: Ronald & Pearl, Chiang-hai & Karen, and Weimin & Peggy, are men and women, who without the determination and strength (AND this is just a bonus… that they all attribute to the Lord!?! Wow, God!) to come to a new place, settle, work hard, thrive, learn new languages, be different, be bi-cultural, live, and enjoy this new place, I would not get to celebrate today at all.
My parents or grandparents will probably never have fireworks set off in their honor nor any cool medallions that reward them for their service to their family or the people around them. They’d never accept it—they always say they did what made sense or what was best for the family at the time. I’m really proud to be American. But I’m even more grateful (for some reason, now more than ever) to be Asian American. Praise God that I can share a rich heritage of American progressiveness and democracy AND of Chinese diligence and loyalty! :)
Happy July 4th, fellow-Americans! Eat TWO slices of watermelon for me…with me! :D
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(Sorry, not a great picture) but the after-party to 2 weeks of intense studying, was awesome!! :)
First… talent show! There are SO many talented people joining staff—way to go, Jesus!
Second… Fritos (and other snacks…) are my fave
Third… DANCE PARTAY (you can’t see in this photo, but my roomie here has some MOVES)
What a great way to kick off the weekend… :D
“Did you think you were going to be the little pretty one who had it all together? No. You’re the special needs one that nobody wanted, except Me.” - Rhonda Johnson sharing what God told her as she shared some reflections on her adopting a little boy from China.
There are so many layers to what God’s been showing me here in Colorado. I’ve been finding it difficult to synthesize my thoughts into words or sentences, as opposed to expressions and tears. (so… I’m sorry if the rest is hard to follow) But here’s what I think is a huge thing: “But God…made us alive together with Christ.” (Eph. 2:4-5 ESV).
Coming into New Staff Training, I felt beat down, broken, ashamed, selfish and distracted. Two and a half weeks in, still feeling some of that. And what happened was, I was so desperate for hope, wholeness, restoration, and freedom that I took everything I heard from speakers and from Scripture and translated it into “the gospel according to Whitney’s fallen-self.”
That gospel said I had to pray, find community, read the Bible, decide that God is good, decide (I say “decide” as opposed to “believe,” which is much more accurate to what I do, as I somehow think my resolve and thinking will lead to my heart believing) that what the Bible says is true, go to counseling, in order to experience hope, wholeness, restoration and freedom. But the true gospel is and was never about that.
The true gospel is about how God loves us so much He couldn’t bear to see us separated from Him because of our sin, and so He made a way where we could be together with Him forever. He couldn’t bear to see us try to live this life without Him and/or TRY to resist sin on our own… He couldn’t bear to see us cry and suffer and cry some more without a Daddy to comfort us and actually be able to promise and fulfill all we need. And that Way is Jesus Christ… His life, death and resurrection. That’s it.
Now—yes, NOW!—God saves us. And though I won’t feel the full effects of being alive with the same new body as Christ until He returns, it’s plenty enough to get me through the dark nights of the soul. It’s plenty enough for me to endure the symptoms of death all around me and in other people… it’s plenty enough for me to want to share of what He does for us with others… until He returns or calls me home.
Old Town Ft. Collins, CO
Passion Band - “Grace Flows Down”
This was resonating in the hallways of our dorm this morning… Jesus knew I needed to be reminded of His amazing grace toward us. :)
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